


Too Many Apologies To Count

by poorly_animated



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:47:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26986168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poorly_animated/pseuds/poorly_animated
Summary: Ring.Ring.Click."Who is this?""Hey, Pika."Click.-------succession arc-ish
Relationships: Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Leorio Paladiknight & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Kurapika & Killua Zoldyck, Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight & Senritsu | Melody, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight, Leorio Paladiknight & Killua Zoldyck, Leorio Paladiknight & Senritsu | Melody
Comments: 3
Kudos: 44





	1. Catching Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> semi-sequel to a oneshot I wrote about Leorio and Killua talking about their crushes; takes place between election and succession arcs

"I saw you punch Gon’s dad.”

  
Leorio nearly jumps out of his skin. “Jesus fucking Christ, Killua,” he groans as he turns around, “haven’t you ever heard of knocking?”

  
“It was awesome. More people should punch that guy.” The white-haired teen is grinning, leaning against the door of his friend’s hotel room. He left Alluka with Gon in the lobby, telling them both he wanted to surprise them with who he brought downstairs. Neither minded much. They were both exhausted, ready to leave the city again after Gon had convinced the Zoldyck siblings to meet up with him just one more time (this was the third time he’d said “one more time”). Killua was trying to figure out how to thank Leorio for worrying about his safety, for causing such a scene about Gon’s recovery, for... everything, really, but he couldn’t figure out what to say. “You’re an enhancer, right?” Maybe just talking will be enough.

  
Leorio runs a hand through his hair with a smirk. “Emitter, actually. And yeah, I’d knock him out anytime. Dude’s a piece of shit.” He steps towards his young friend and, ignoring his vague protest, wraps him in a crushing hug, shouting about how much he worried about him. “KILLUA YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH YOU TWO SCARED ME, AND I’M JUST SO GLAD YOU’RE SAFE, AND, AND,” he dissolves into tears. He’s been crying a lot this week.

  
Killua shoves him away, wiping his own eyes in the hopes his friend can’t see his tears. “Shut up, old man, you’re such a sap,” he grumbles. “We’re fine, everything worked out.” His voice trembles a bit and Leorio grabs him again, squeezing him tightly until a sob breaks out and Killua is crying in his arms. “I thought he was going to die,” he mumbles pitifully. Leorio chokes back a sob and responds, “Me, too.” Killua eventually kicks him and he releases him, rubbing his eyes forcefully. “So, uh, why are you here?” Leorio asks. The boy shrugs. “I think Gon wanted to be able to see you again before he leaves,” he says. Gon is always such a convenient excuse. The tall man grins. “You mean you wanted to see me, oh, Killua, that’s so sweet!” He yells, dragging the boy into another hug. “GET OFF ME,” Killua protests, “THAT’S NOT TRUE! SHUT UP!” He shocks Leorio and his friend drops him with a yelp. “That is so rude,” Leorio pouts.

  
“Just, come on, he’s waiting downstairs,” Killua says gruffly. Leorio grins at him. “It’s been so long since the three of us were together,” he laughs, “I’m so excited to hang out with you guys.” A flash of sadness crosses his eyes and he turns away, suddenly slamming his briefcase shut. Killua gives him an odd look. “What did Kurapika think of your bid for chairman?,” he asks teasingly. Leorio snorts and shakes his head. “Shut up, Killua. Let’s go.” The boy frowns. “What? Aren’t you guys, like, dating? I thought—“ “You thought wrong,” his friend snaps. “Drop it. I don’t want to talk about him right now.” Killua stares at him, shocked. “Leorio, what—“ “Please, Killua, I’ll tell you about it later.” The tall student is shaking, his fists balled deep in his pockets. “Let’s just... let’s just be happy for now.”

Alluka and Gon are both passed out on couches in the hotel lobby, small bodies flung haphazardly across dark, plump cushions. Leorio tears up at the sight. Killua rolls his eyes and shoves Gon onto the floor, giggling at the other boy’s startled yelp. “KILLUA!” he snaps angrily, but his face breaks into an enormous grin when he spots Leorio. “LEORIO!” He jumps into his friend’s arms, laughing giddily as the tall man hugs him tightly. “I didn’t know you were still in town!” He crows. Leorio smiles and sets him down as Killua gently shakes his sister awake, stroking her hair gently so as not to frighten her. “Yeah, I’m actually gonna be staying here for a while, it turns out. Cheadle asked me to join the Zodiacs.” “WHOAAAAAA,” Gon shouts, and Killua looks up, equally startled. “YOU?!” He sputters, and Leorio scowls at him. “Yes, me! It’s not that surprising. I’m studying under her for a medical expedition.” “Oh, WOW, LEORIO! That’s AWESOME!” Gon cheers, hugging him again. The tall student blushes and rubs the back of his head bashfully. “Aw, it’s not that big of a deal,” he mumbles, “they only want me cause I made such a commotion during the election.” He smirks suddenly, tossing Killua a wink. “Actually, I have Ging’s old spot.” Gon laughs heartily, unsurprised by the news. “That’s fitting,” he chuckles, “you’re more like my dad, anyways.” Leorio can’t help it. He bursts into tears. “Gon,” he sniffles, “t-that’s so, t-that’s, GON!!” He crushes the boy in an enormous hug, sobbing loudly enough that the other hotel guests start whispering among themselves. “Big brother, why is the man crying?,” Alluka whispers. Killua rolls his eyes. “Because he’s a sap, Alluka. This is our dumb friend, Leorio.” “He’s handsome,” she says dreamily, and Killua glares at her. “Don’t ever say that again,” he snaps. His sister giggles and hugs him. “I love you, big brother.” He hugs her back, directing his glare at Leorio. “I love you more, Alluka.”

Leorio manages to pull himself together and the group is off, heading to a nearby restaurant to eat lunch. Every few feet someone stops them, gushing about how charming and caring Leorio is, or how brave Gon is, or shyly asking for the tall student’s autograph. He’s still not used to the attention. It’s been a few weeks since the election but his face is still everywhere, plastered on shop windows and news reports about the bold young man who swept the Hunter Association off its feet. Fame has never appealed to him. The only part that amuses him is the knowledge that even Kurapika can’t escape hearing about him, that wherever his friend has gone, news of Leorio is sure to have followed. The boys devour seemingly endless platters of food while Alluka daintily finishes a single sandwich, giggling whenever Leorio looks directly at her. Gon rambles on about Kite and the adventures he’s had with their friends, telling everyone the story of the bird migration they all watched on his livestream. None of them mind. Hearing Gon talk so excitedly is priceless. Killua leans on his hands, daydreaming about what it would be like to wander the world with Gon, to watch sunsets and sunrises with him, to listen to his thoughts every day. Alluka pokes him. “You’re staring again,” she whispers, and the boy turns pink. “Thanks,” he mutters. She giggles. “Huh?” Gon asks, turning to the pair. Leorio helpfully distracts him by immediately asking after Mito and Abe. Killua sighs in relief and tries to focus on acting normal.

That night, Gon splits off again, waving cheerfully as he heads out to Kite’s place. “BYE LEORIO! BYE KILLUA! BYE ALLUKA! ALLUKA, TAKE CARE OF KILLUA! LOVE YOU GUYS!! BYE!” “BYE, IDIOT,” Killua calls. His face is bright red. “I LOVE YOU, GON,” Alluka shrieks, thrilled to be included in the older boy’s goodbyes. He laughs and repeats, “I LOVE YOU, ALLUKA,” as he disappears around the corner. She jabs her brother in the ribs. “TELL HIM,” she shouts, and he squeals in protest. “NO! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!” Leorio chuckles behind them. “Alluka, I am so on your side,” he laughs, “Killua, I can’t believe you haven’t told him yet. It’s been like two years.” “Shut up, old man,” the boy grumbles. “Where’s your stupid boyfriend, huh?” Leorio’s face falls and he stiffens, turning away. “He’s not my boyfriend, don’t be an ass,” he snaps. “Don’t curse,” Alluka says with her arms crossed. The tall students sighs and apologizes quietly. “Leorio, what’s up with you?” Killua asks grumpily. “You’re being weird.” “Don’t worry about it,” his friend replies gruffly. “You guys should get home, it’s getting late.” “We’re staying in the same hotel, dummy,” the boy snaps back. Leorio rolls his eyes and gestures towards the entrance. “Fine. Let’s go, then.”

Leorio is hardly surprised to hear a knock on his door a few hours later, though he is annoyed at having to stand up. “Hey,” he greets Killua, “come on in.” The white-haired teen scowls and crosses his arms as he steps inside. “Tell me what’s going on,” he whines. Leorio sighs. “It’s complicated, Killua. And a lot of it isn’t stuff I can actually tell you.” The boy grunts and slumps to the floor. “What happened while we were away?” Leorio sighs again and sits on the edge of his bed, holding his head in his hands. “Nothing, honestly. A fuck ton of nothing,” he mumbles.

  
Killua frowns. “I thought you told him back in Yorknew, I thought you guys—“

  
“Yeah, well, we all think a lot of things, don’t we,” the other snaps. He glances at his friend and closes his eyes, sighing deeply. “Sorry. I didn’t realize I was still so... touchy about this.” Killua shrugs and waits for him to keep speaking. Leorio groans and flops back on the bed. “Yeah, we talked a bit, but he was... he was Kurapika, of course, and he told me that it wasn’t going to happen. We—we—“ His voice breaks and he covers his face, not wanting to get into the details with Killua. “Um. We, uh, had a conversation. Yeah. And then he was like, ‘My life is rage,’ blah blah blah, ‘I don’t deserve happiness,’ ‘There’s no time,’ ‘You’re being selfish, Leorio.’ Stupid.”

  
“Ew, you guys had sex?” Killua fake gags, hoping the childishness will make his friend laugh. He hates when Leorio gets so sad. It works halfway, earning him a dry snort.

  
“No, you perv, we just... kissed a lot.” Leorio snickers awkwardly at the memory. They’d gone quite a bit further, but it’s kind of sad to think about now. Kurapika smiling, a look in his eyes he’d never seen before, so incredibly close to his face. Heaven. “And then he told me that was it. And he basically disappeared. He called me once, on my birthday. He said he missed me, actually, and he sounded like he meant it, but then he wouldn’t answer any of my questions and he hung up after ten minutes. I haven’t... I haven’t heard from him since.”

  
“Damn,” Killua says softly. “That... sucks.”

  
Leorio snorts again. “Yeah, it really does.” He sits up slowly, looking over at his young friend. “But I kinda... Well, he’s gonna have to see me again soon,” he says with a smirk.

  
“What do you mean?”

  
“There was another spot open on the Zodiacs, so I told Cheadle I’d join as long as they tracked Kurapika down and made him come along,” Leorio chuckles drily. “I keep telling everyone I only intend to abuse power for selfish reasons.”

  
Killua laughs at this, relieved to hear his friend hasn’t changed a bit. “That’s insane,” he giggles, “is he even going to come?”

  
The tall student shrugs. “Who knows? If he does, though...” He pauses, giving Killua a thoughtful look. The boy frowns in confusion. “Killua, will you talk to him if he does show up? Just... as friends. Normal shit. Remind him that—“

  
“That he has friends, who care about him and stuff? Yeah,” Killua says gruffly. “Of course, man.”

  
“Okay,” Leorio breathes. He smiles shyly. “Thanks, Killua. Now, I wanna hear more about your sister. I never knew you had one!”  
Killua beams as he starts talking about Alluka. If Gon is the sun, Alluka is the entire sky: his most delightful reason for living. Leorio eventually gives up on pretending not to cry. It’s just so wonderful to see Killua so happy. Around 3, he kicks the boy out so he can get some sleep, muttering something about an early meeting. He’s still awake when his alarm goes off a few hours later. The possibility of getting news about Kurapika pulls him to his feet.

——————————

The meeting drags on forever. Leorio can’t stop fidgeting: Kurapika barely glances at him, entirely focused on the task at hand. He tries to talk to him in the hall afterwards, but the Kurta is dragged off by Mizaistom before he can reach him. The whole week is more of the same: Kurapika is deeply involved in hushed conversations behind closed doors while Leorio rushes around completing errands for Cheadle, gathering medical supplies and organizing the rest of the hospital staff as they trickle in from the interrogations. He gets dinner with Killua and Alluka every night, completely entranced by the girl’s unbeatable positivity and her brother’s adoration. He needs the joy. Kurapika barely looks at him.

One night, Killua slips into his room as he’s finishing an email. “Sup, Killua?,” he grunts. He needs to finalize the credit transfer before the ship leaves tomorrow. “Kurapika called me,” the boy says quietly. Leorio slams his laptop shut and stares at him in shock. “W-what?!” “Yeah, I know,” Killua stammers, “he needed to hire a hunter for something. I recommended Bisky.” He giggles slightly and Leorio grins. He met the boy’s teacher while waiting for Gon to recover: she flirted brazenly with him until he awkwardly asked her how old she was, receiving a hard slap followed by a quick peck on the cheek for assuming she was a child. “Oh my god,” he chuckles, “I’d pay to see them talk.” “I know,” Killua snickers, “I told him he has to talk to her about how delicate and feminine she is. He’s gonna hate it.” Leorio laughs at the idea, picturing Kurapika’s grimace as he forces himself to baby the ridiculously powerful woman. He frowns suddenly. “He won’t even give me his email,” he sighs. “We’re supposed to be on a stupid boat together for two months and I probably won’t see him at all.” Killua rolls his eyes. “Why is he being so dumb?” He grumbles. “It’s like he doesn’t even want friends.” “I don’t know,” Leorio responds quietly. “He’s still friends with Melody, though. And I heard he brought Hanzo on board.” “Wait, that stupid fucking ninja from the exam?!” Killua exclaims. “I know,” Leorio groans. “It’s bullshit.” “Yeah,” the younger scoffs. They both stare at each other for a moment, not sure what else to say.

“So, uh,” Leorio starts, but Killua cuts him off. “Do you think you’re still in love with him?,” he asks quietly. Leorio nods slowly, looking away. “Then tell him, idiot,” the boy grunts. His friend smiles sadly. “I’ve already tried that. He obviously doesn’t want me in his life.” “He’s stupid. He totally loves you, too,” Killua proclaims, but his friend just shakes his head. “It’s fine,” he says quietly, “I’ll get over it eventually.” The white-haired boy tries to swallow the lump in his throat but it won’t go away.

“Leorio,” he tries again, “do... do you still get nightmares, ever?”

  
Leorio looks askance at him. “Yeah, dude. If you’re worried about yours, it’s perfectly normal considering the shit you’ve seen.”

  
“What are yours about?”

  
“I... don’t want to talk about that,” the student says quietly.

  
“Please?” Killua’s voice trembles. He needs to know if he’s the only one dreaming about his friends dying. About not being able to save anyone. Not being enough. Something tells him Leorio feels the same. “I’ll... I’ll tell you about mine,” he pleads shyly.

  
Leorio sighs. “I’m sure yours are a lot worse. You can just talk to me without hearing about my shit, you know. I’m always here for you, Killua.” His voice is soft as he tries to coax the younger boy out of his shell. He hasn’t had a chance to talk to Killua like this since they were all in Yorknew and the kid would sneak over to talk about his crush on Gon. He’s missed feeling important to someone. Feeling like an older brother.

  
“Mine... they’re stupid,” Killua mumbles, “it’s just, you know, with everything that happened back there, I can’t...” His voice breaks and he buries his face in his knees. “I can’t help him,” he cries. “I can’t do anything, and he hates me, and then he dies, hating me, knowing I’m useless, and stupid, and—and—and—“ Leorio sits next to him and wraps his arms around him, holding him tightly while he cries. “I know, Killua,” he says quietly, “but you did help him.” “But it wasn’t enough,” Killua sobs, “and Palm, and the—the people, they wouldn’t even finish eating them, and their bodies were just, open, and everything smelled like dying, and I can’t run fast enough, and Gon wanted me to leave him, he still wants me to leave him, he’s so much happier without me around, and—“ “Killua, stop,” Leorio mumbles, trying to keep his own tears at bay. “Gon cares about you so much. You did everything you could. It’s over now, everything is okay,” he says forcefully. “Everything is okay.” The boy clings to his shirt and wails, finally letting out the terror he’s been hiding from his sister since he returned. “And Illumi,” he rasps, “he was—he’s going to kill Alluka, one day—“ “No, he isn’t,” Leorio says firmly, “because you’re protecting her. And besides, didn’t your parents—“ “It doesn’t matter,” Killua moans, “I’m not strong enough.” He dissolves into tears, unable to speak any longer. Leorio hides his tears in the pile of white hair shaking against his shoulder. “It’s okay,” he murmurs as he holds his friend, “you’re doing your best, Killua.”

  
Killua eventually stops crying and shoves him away rudely, still not used to accepting comfort or showing emotion. “Sorry,” he sniffs, “I’m being a dumb baby.” Leorio ruffles his hair with a sad smile. “No, Killua, you’re just scared. It would be weird if none of that upset you. It’s totally normal to cry.” “Shut up,” the boy grunts. “You’re a wuss.” Leorio smirks. “I sure am.” He hugs his young friend again, glad to feel him relax slightly into the embrace. “Do you wanna sleep over?” He mumbles softly. “No, I should get back to Alluka,” Killua sighs. He sniffles again. “She’s totally obsessed with you, by the way.” Leorio grins. “Awwww, that’s adorable! How did she get to be so charming when you’re such a pain in the ass?” He grunts as a small fist connects with his stomach. “Whatever, old man,” the boy says with a small smile. “I’ll... let’s get breakfast before you leave, alright?”

  
“Of course, Killua. And remember you can always call me. I’ll never be too busy for you guys.”

———————

On the docks, a small hand grabs Leorio’s jacket and tugs him aside. “T-thank you,” Kurapika stammers awkwardly. The medical student stares at him blankly and takes a step back. “Um, what for?,” he asks as he glances around. “You were very helpful, with Mizai and everyone. Letting him know about my... situation,” the blonde murmurs. “Oh. Yeah, whatever,” Leorio grunts. He shoves his hands in his pockets and looks at the ground. “Nice to see you,” he grumbles sarcastically. “Leorio, I’m sorry,” Kurapika whispers. The ship’s horn blares and they both look up, startled. “We should go,” Leorio says gruffly. “Leorio, I really am sorry,” the blonde says again, “please don’t hate me.” His friend snorts. “I wish I could,” he mutters. He starts to say something else but decides against it, slipping back into the crowd. Kurapika sighs and straightens his tie. There’s so much more he needs to say, but there’s no time. Leorio will just have to wait.


	2. A Phone Call Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Melody calls Leorio with a request and a phone number.

Cheadle giggles at Leorio’s impression of one of the other doctors, swatting him in mock disapproval as they walk towards her office. “Mr. Paladinight,” she says in a stern tone, “that’s hardly appropriate.” The student winks at her and she rolls her eyes. “Ah, come on, doc, he’s such a pill. Plus I think he’s trying to screw his nurses.” “And you aren’t?,” she quips. He blushes and stammers, “Hey, at least I’m the same age.” His mentor shoves him inside, locking the door nervously behind her. “Leorio, sit down. We... there’s been a new development.” He looks at her quizzically as he takes a seat. Cheadle sighs and adjusts her glasses. She looks exhausted. “The spiders are on board.” Leorio leaps from his chair with an angry shout, immediately yelling a string of curses and going for the door. “SIT DOWN,” Cheadle barks. He stumbles backwards and sits again, fuming. “I can’t fucking believe this,” he mutters. “Does Pik—does Kurapika know?” “No, of course not,” the chairwoman sighs, “he’s too difficult to reach anyways.” “Don’t you dare fucking tell him,” Leorio growls. She looks at him in shock. “Don’t curse at me,” she warns, but when he meets her gaze she flinches at the rage in his eyes. “I am dead serious, Cheadle, if Kurapika finds out they’re on board I will kill everyone who passed that information along. He absolutely cannot know.” “Al-alright, Leorio,” she stammers, frightened. “We weren’t going to tell him, we need him to stay focused on the succession contest.”

After a few minutes, Leorio calms down enough to engage with what Cheadle is telling him. “So you’ll be taking over most of the hospital wing for now,” she’s finishing, and he jumps slightly. “Wait, what?” “I’m confident you can handle it, Leorio,” she smiles. He shakes his head. “I... okay. Yeah, I’ll be fine.” “I’m sorry. We’re counting on you.” Cheadle opens her desk and passes him a few files. “Here, we should go over some things before I meet with Mizai.”

Each day on the ship feels like a month. Leorio is shocked when one of the doctors slaps him on the back after a surgery and announces it’s been a whole week since they boarded. “Wow, what’s for dinner?,” he manages dumbly. He tries to joke around with the others but it’s too hard when his mind is stuck on Kurapika. The ship is so strictly locked down he might as well be on another planet from the Kurta. He shuffles back to his room and takes a call from a restricted number, assuming it’s Mizaistom with an update.

  
“Leorio,” Melody says softly, and the brunette freezes where he stands. “It’s a relief to hear your heartbeat,” she continues.

“Oh my god, Melody,” he croaks. He sits down heavily. “What’s wrong?”

She sighs. “Too much to discuss. Look, you need to call Kurapika. He’s—“

“Not going to pick up,” Leorio interrupts. “You know he won’t talk to me.”

“He needs you,” the music hunter whispers in her firm, gentle tone. “It’s hell up here. Please, call him. I think he’ll answer.”

Leorio sighs and places his phone down momentarily, knowing Melody can hear he’s still on the line. He buries his face in his hands and tries to hold back from crying. He turns the phone over and talks into it through his hands. “What do you expect me to say?,” he asks sadly. “I can’t help any of you.”

“Just tell him what you’ve been doing. Talk to him. Distract him. Please, Leorio.” Melody’s voice breaks slightly as she glances around the room. The other bodyguards are still arguing loudly, but she can hear she needs to wrap up soon. “I have to go. Here’s his number.”

Leorio scrambles for a piece of paper and copies it down, staring at it blankly long after Melody has hung up. He’s not sure what to do. The odds of Kurapika answering are slim, but even if he were to pick up the phone, Leorio has no idea what to say. He sighs to himself. He’s been talking to Kurapika’s voicemail for two years now, this won’t be very different. He dials the number.

Ring.  
Ring.  
Click.  
“Who is this?”  
“Hey, Pika.”  
Click.

He tries again.

Ring.  
Ring.  
Click.  
“Leorio?”  
“Yeah.”  
A heavy sigh floats through the phone to Leorio’s ears. “Oh, god,” Kurapika groans quietly.  
“Uh... what’s up?” Leorio winces as he says it, knowing it’s a stupid question.  
“Why are you calling?” His friend hisses. “Is something wrong?”  
“N-no, I just—“  
“Don’t waste my time.”  
Click.

“Ouch,” Leorio says to the empty room. He grumbles to himself as he walks to the mess hall, returning with a six-pack of beers from the back. “Third time’s the charm,” he mutters as he finishes the first drink.

Ring.  
Ring.  
Click.  
“Leorio, why are you calling me?!” I’m—“  
“Melody told me to. She said—“  
“Why would she interfere? Damn it—“  
“You needed a break, and I know you’re probably treating yourself like shit up there, so—“  
“I’m not important, both of you have more pressing matters to—“  
“I’m calling, and I’d appreciate if you wouldn’t hang up again,” Leorio finishes loudly. He sounds angrier than he means to, but it’s hard to rein in his emotional turmoil when it comes to Kurapika. He sighs as the voice on the other end of the line trails away.

  
“Okay,” Kurapika says quietly. “I’m not hanging up. Let me just—I need to move to another room.” He steps into his chambers and locks the door, tugging his tie off. He kicks his shoes across the room and collapses on the bed, clutching the phone to his ear. Hearing Leorio’s voice broke something in him. The first week aboard the ship has literally taken years off of his life, but he hasn’t let himself think about it yet. He can ground himself in Leorio’s frustration, in his guilt at the way he’s mistreated his friend. It’s a familiar pain. During his search for the scarlet eyes, he subjected himself to Leorio’s voicemails over and over again, wanting to keep his firey rage lit by fueling it with self-hatred. “I’m listening,” he says.

“Well, I don’t really know what to say,” Leorio mumbles bashfully. Kurapika sounds exhausted.

“It’s... nice to hear your voice,” the Kurta says shyly. “Something familiar.”

Leorio stiffens. “Oh, is it?,” he asks bitterly.

“Yes.” Kurapika sits up and nervously tugs at his jacket. “Leorio, I know I haven’t been a very good friend recently, but—“

A sharp laugh cuts him off. “Sorry, it’s still weird to hear you speak. You know, after two years without a goddamn word.”

The Kurta frowns. Why would Melody tell Leorio to call him if the other man was so upset with him? Did she really think this would somehow ease the burden of guarding the youngest prince? “Leorio, please don’t interrupt me.”

“Whatever. Go on.”

“I really... I really don’t have the capacity for this conversation,” Kurapika sobs suddenly. He covers his mouth, ashamed of the outburst. “No, I mean—Leorio,” he says sadly.

Leorio sniffs, hoping the other can’t hear him. “I, well, don’t cry, Pika. You know I’ll cry if you’re crying.” He hugs himself tightly and takes another swig. “We don’t have to talk about it now. I guess...” He sighs, trying to remember that Kurapika’s distance had very little to do with him. “I know it can’t have been easy,” he says softly.

“Yes,” Kurapika replies. He chokes back another sob, trying to compose himself. There never seems to be enough time for Leorio. He doesn’t deserve his friend’s generosity and devotion, but he’s overwhelmed by gratitude. “I, um... Can you just talk?,” he asks shakily.

“Okay.” Leorio pulls at a thread on his blanket. “Uh, well, one thing you missed was Killua’s sister. She’s pretty awesome.” He pauses, but Kurapika is too focused on containing his tears to reply. “Um. She’s like, more powerful than you, even, which I didn’t think was possible.” He continues for a while, just describing Alluka, talking about Gon’s new friends, anyone else Kurapika wasn’t around to meet. At some point he earns a light chuckle and his heart races. “It’s been so long since I’ve heard you laugh,” he says without thinking.

“I’m... sorry,” Kurapika mumbles shyly. He closes his eyes and stands up, slowly changing out of his suit. “I’m sorry, Leorio,” he repeats.

“Eh, whatever,” the student grunts. He’s desperate to change the subject. “Uh... have you, uh, been reading anything recently?”

“Hmmm.” The Kurta picks up the long-neglected book on his bedside table, looking at it thoughtfully. “Well, before we left I was reading up on some Kakin mythology.”

“Tell me about it.” Leorio blushes as he asks, though he’s not sure why. He lights a cigarette as he tosses his clothes into the hamper. Kurapika’s soft voice carries through his room, touching his ears like a delicate breeze. He murmurs a few questions as he gets ready for bed. On the other end, Kurapika is searching for the notes he was keeping on his mythological readings. He always takes notes on the things he learns, wanting to have a record of his sources to return to, but right now he’s oddly preoccupied with a sense of responsibility to be accurate with Leorio. He knows it’s silly. His friend doesn’t really care about the details of the myths. Still, he’s afraid that if he forgets anything, he’ll run out of reasons to keep talking. He finally reaches the end of his ramble and drops off awkwardly. “Pika?,” Leorio yawns.

“Don’t call me that,” Kurapika replies. He smiles to himself.

“Ah, shut up.”

“Have—have you read anything?” Kurapika asks nervously. “I mean, or—“

“Yeah, duh. I am a student, you know.” Leorio’s voice is softly teasing, but he’s shocked the blonde bothered to ask him a question.

“Well. What, then?”

“Umm... I was taking a poetry course this past semester,” Leorio mumbles bashfully. “Do you still like poetry?”

Kurapika’s ears are warm. “Yes,” he whispers. “Read me some, Leorio.”

Leorio tries to remember to breathe as he scrambles for the meager supply of books he shoved in his suitcase. “I, uh, yeah, h-hold on,” he gasps, “I’ll find some.”

“Kurapika?”  
An hour has passed, and the Kurta hasn’t reacted to the last poem Leorio was reading. He repeats his name.  
“Hmph? Oh—oh, dear,” Kurapika mumbles as he jolts awake. “I’m sorry, Leorio. I fell asleep.”  
Leorio smiles to himself. “That’s fine. You should get some rest,” he says gently.  
“Thank you,” Kurapika murmurs. “I... thank you for calling, Leorio.”  
“Yeah, man, anytime,” his friend replies bashfully.  
“I was getting tired of replaying your voicemails,” Kurapika yawns. He pulls his blankets closer. “Tomorrow, please.” The phone slips from his hand as he drifts off again.

It takes a few moments for Leorio to realize he’s crying. “Then why didn’t you just pick up the phone,” he says to the empty room.


End file.
